350MC – Draft Essays

1st draft: In terms of writing my essay, I did start rather late due to personal circumstances however I produced a first draft in which I thought sounded ok for my first attempt. However when I shoed my lecturer he felt the term beauty and aesthetic was rather different so to re work my essay and use the word ‘beauty’ less or not at all. I also had no conclusion yet so I knew a lot of work still needed to be done.

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2nd draft:

I re-worded my introduction a considerable amount in which I felt much more confident and it sounded more like an academic paper. However towards the end of the intro I felt it went slightly of course and I also felt there were too many questions posed in my intro, and I do not want the audience to get bored of questions. I still did not have a conclusion however I had written segments in which I could discuss in my conclusion. This was the draft that I presented to the class. However my feedback was rather critical in terms of how I am using the word aesthetic. I needed to make sure I suggested that documentary photograph and photojournalists are rather different even if they do over lap slightly.

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Key points of feedback:

  • There are aesthetics within Nick Uts images, I was suggesting that there wasn’t.
  • The term Aesthetic is the way that the image looks and the decisions they make to makes them look that way and then how they embark meaning.
  • I suggest that Salgado is an ‘insider’ he is as much of an outsider that anyone else, however his production methodology consists of spending longer periods of time within an area.
  • Desensitization – Don’t say that one person’s work desensitize the viewer and another doesn’t. Talk about the mechanisms of desensitization.
  • Possibly look at Julian Stallabrass.
  • How the aesthetics of the image convey meaning.
  • What Salgado does is has this highly aestheticised production mechanism, high contrast, black and white film, tends to create compositions that represent art historical tropes whereas nick ut is a photojournalist, he is reacting to situations and creating compositions that do that job well. Uses wide scenes to convey meaning.
  • Change the title. Grammar doesn’t reflect what I am talking about. The representation of people. The ways that people who are suffering is being documented and depicted in a certain way.

3rd draft.

After my feedback I started to worry quite a lot. During my presentation I did not feel very confident when reading my paper, whether this was due to knowing I was going to be given feedback or I knew that I could do better. So I attempt a complete re-write, I still used certain elements from my 2nd Draft but comparing them they are rather different. It has a different structure and I completely cut the word ‘beauty’. I found more quotes that related to my chosen area of discussion and I felt much more confident with what I had produced. I read it over and over again and I felt much more confident with what I had written however I still did not have a conclusion so this would be something I would work on. This is where I also properly included references with my quotes as I previous drafts I had not included them.

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4th Draft

I had finally managed to write a conclusion, but during the writing I was worried in terms of a final sentence, I knew that would be the sentence that had to make an impact and also a mass summary of what I was stating. I feel my final statement works rather well.

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5th draft

At this stage I started work out where I would change slides for my visual presentation. I wanted to make it extremely clear where to change especially if it was during mid-sentence.

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6th and Final draft

I decided for my final draft to include the images that I used within my visual presentation. This would help and readers to be able to look at the images without having to download my actual presentation. I felt rather confident that I had really improved on my essay from where I started.

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